It's Friday and time for silliness (or maybe it is too true to be
silly!!)

Subject: Instructions for preparing Microsoft TV Dinners

You must first remove the plastic cover.  By doing so you agree to
qccept and honor Microsoft's rights to all Microsoft TV dinners.
You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would
constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights).  You may,
however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged
to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven, and
set the oven using these keystrokes:

        <?mstv.dinn.//08.5min50%heat//.

Then enter

        <ms/start.cook_dindin/yummy??/yum-yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start.  The oven
will recognize the Microsoft TV dinner, configure itself, and cook
the dinner automatically.

If you have a UNIX oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of
the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner,
and the desired level of cooking and press start.  The oven will
calculate the time and heat, and cook the dinner--precisely.

Be forewarned that Microsoft TV Dinners may crash, in which case your
oven must be restarted.  This is a simple procedure.  Remove the
dinner from the oven and enter:

        <ms.nodamned.good/tryagain?again/again.crap.

This procedure may have to be repeated.  Try unplugging the microwave
and then doing a cold reboot.  If this doesn't work, contact your
hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger
than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of
which are empty.  These are for future menu items.  If the tray is
too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your
equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the
chicken variety is currently produced.  If you want another variety,
call Microsoft Help.  They will explain why you really don't want
another variety.  Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of
their chicken dinners.  Future releases will only be in the large
family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must
be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.  Microsoft promises a
dessert with every dinner after 1998.  However, that version has yet
to be released.  Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.
Microsoft TV Dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost.  This is a feature,
not a bug.  Your freezer probably should have been defrosted,
anyway.

MICROSOFT:  A TASTE OF THE FUTURE!



Gary Jackson
Nevada County Supt. of Schools
(530) 478-6407