Maybe it's close enought to Friday for a Little Humor....

james.



> I think Santa Claus is a woman....
>
> I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
> Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing
> social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly
> pull
> it all off!
>
> For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about
> selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in
> some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when
> they
> - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute
> shopping spree.  Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find
> only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the
> shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit
> of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief
> because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this
> count
> alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man,
> everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a
> rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.  Another
> problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there
> would
> be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on
> to
> the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that
> buck
> season had been extended.  Blitzen's rack would already be on the way
> to
> the taxidermist.  Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still
> have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up
> there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for
> directions.  Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable
> delays
> in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect
> and
> repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon
> monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas
> tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree
> angle.  Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
>   *     Men can't pack a bag.
>   *     Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
>   *     Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be
> seen
>         with all those elves.
>   *     Men don't answer their mail.
>   *     Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even
> in
>         jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
>   *     Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing
>         them.
>   *     Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their
>         ability to pick up women.
>   *     Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a
>         commitment.
>
> I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.
> Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.
> Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
> Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers
> Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening
> test.
> But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good
> will, peace onn earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The
> Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa
> is.  I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!
>
> James Reynolds
> Business System Administrator
> T.D. Williamson, Inc.
> 6801 S. 65th W. Ave.
> Tulsa, OK  74131
> Phone: 918-447-5159
> Email: [log in to unmask]
>
>