Customer: Dialing, beep, beep, ding - blap, zing, zong, ting, eing, gog,
juing.

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID
number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at
LincolnInsurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email
address is [log in to unmask]
<http://by8fd.bay8.hotmail.msn.com/cgi-bin/compose?mailto=1&msg=MSG10938
87613.0&start=19850&len=12932&src=&type=x&to=sheehan%40home%2enet&cc=&bc
c=&subject=&body=&curmbox=F000000001&a=7fa99e74b56580b61f6aaaf277fbb45c>
. Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this
information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will
add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors
indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely
high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't
allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like
it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from
your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the
suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your
credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is
overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes,
sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out
getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a
little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your
car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank
yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here
in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh
yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State
Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to
society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us
from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits
this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.

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