And who says brain surgeons aren't born everyday.  Read below.

    Yes, folks, it's time again for the 1999 Darwin Awards. For those sheltered
few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards; these awards are given
annually (and posthumously) to those individuals who did the most for the human
gene pool by removing themselves from it.

GRAVITY KILLS
    A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to
use'occy' straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee
jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said.  Fairfax County police said
Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together,
wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake
Accotink Park, jumped... and hit the pavement.  Warren Carmichael, a police
spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby.  "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said.  Police say the
apparent cause of death was "major trauma."  An autopsy is scheduled for later
in the week.

LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
    Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the upcoming Fourth of July
holiday and wanted to apparently test fire some fireworks.  Their only real
problem was that their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several
hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank.  Oddly enough, some
fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched
several hundred feet into the air and were found dead 50 yards from their
respective seats.

DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT
    A lawyer and two buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas when a
lightning storm hit the lake.  Most of the other boats immediately headed for
the shore, but not our friend the lawyer.  On the rear of his aluminum bass boat
with his buddies, this individual stood up, spread his arms wide (crucifixion
style) and shouted: "HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!" Needless to say, God
delivered.  The other two passengers on the boat survived the lightning strike
with minor burns.

CATCH
    A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites.  Big deal you may say, but
there's a twist here that makes him a candidate.  It seems he and a friend were
playing catch with a rattlesnake.  You can guess what happened from here. The
friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate) was hospitalized.

THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU
    Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies
nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by his
cell phone... more or less. He was doing the usual "walking and talking" when he
walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck.  Keep that in mind the
next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.

GIMME A LIGHT
    In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the
smell of gas.  Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc.  After the building had been
evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.  Upon entering
the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark.  To their
frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the vision of
one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a lighter.  Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the
warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.  Nothing was
found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
explosion.  The technician that was suspected of causing the explosion had never
been thought of as "bright" by his peers.

RUNNER UP..
    A Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday.  While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo) with a group of
thespians from St. Petersburg, Russia, Mr. Demuth went overboard to show them
one of America's many marvels.  He demonstrated the effectiveness of "Crazy
Glue"... the hard way.  Apparently, Mr. Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how
good the adhesive was, so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of
his hands, and jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.  The
rhino, a resident of the zoo for
the past thirteen years, was not initially startled as it has been part of the
petting exhibit since its arrival as a baby.  However, once it became aware of
its being involuntarily stuck to Mr. Demuth, it began to panic and ran around
the petting area wildly making Mr. Demuth an unintended passenger.
    "Sally [the rhino] hasn't been feeling well lately.  She had been very
constipated. We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to relax her
bowels, when Mr.Demuth played his juvenile prank," said James Douglass,
caretaker.  During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was
gored, and a number of small animals escaped.  Also, during the stampede, three
pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death.  As for Demuth, it took a team
of medics and zoo caretakers' to remove his hands from her buttocks.
    First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down.  However, during this
process the laxatives began to take hold and Mr. Demuth was repeatedly showered
with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.  "It was tricky. We had to calm her
down, while at the same time shield our faces from being pelted with rhino dung.
 I guess you could say that Mr. Demuth was into it up to his neck.  Once she was
under control, we had three people with shovels working to keep an air passage
open for Mr. Demuth.  We were able to tranquilize her and apply a solvent to
remove his hands from her rear," said Douglass.  "I don't think he'll be playing
with Crazy Glue for a while."  Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused,
also were impressed with the power of the adhesive.  "I'm going to buy some for
my children, but of course they can't take it to the zoo," commented Vladimir
Zolnikov, leader of the troupe.

And finally, consider these hapless folks........

CLEANER POLISHES OFF PATIENTS
    "For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in
the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free
State, South Africa) told reporters. "There was no apparent cause for any of the
deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for
possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues."  "However, further
inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths...  "It seems that every
Friday morning a cleaning lady would enter the ward, remove the plug that
powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into the
vacant socket, then go about her business.  When she had finished her chores,
she would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the
patient was now dead.  She could not, after all, hear the death rattle and
eventual the solid beep over the whirring of her polisher".
    "We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in question.
Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department is arranging for an
electrician to fit an extra socket, so there should be no repetition of this
incident.  The inquiry is now closed." (Cape Times)